04-05-2021, 04:44 AM
Hello Tim (if I may),
I'm probably out of my depth in Mild to moderate, but I enjoyed reading your poem and the discussion too.
I like the structure, finding a clear progression through the stanzas. First, exploration; second, revelation; third, resolution. (There might be proper terms for these things; I can only hope I'm making sense here.) Does that sound about right?
As to the content, it's very engaging. I don't have much to add to what's already been suggested, just tweaks such as
I was going through your books
(the ones I didn't keep)
to trade them into a strange world
that never knew you
and I came to Rayuela
...etc. (so just punctuation and messing about with the formatting, if that's of any use to you).
I look forward to seeing how the poem develops.
All best,
Leaf
I'm probably out of my depth in Mild to moderate, but I enjoyed reading your poem and the discussion too.
I like the structure, finding a clear progression through the stanzas. First, exploration; second, revelation; third, resolution. (There might be proper terms for these things; I can only hope I'm making sense here.) Does that sound about right?
As to the content, it's very engaging. I don't have much to add to what's already been suggested, just tweaks such as
I was going through your books
(the ones I didn't keep)
to trade them into a strange world
that never knew you
and I came to Rayuela
...etc. (so just punctuation and messing about with the formatting, if that's of any use to you).
I look forward to seeing how the poem develops.
All best,
Leaf