04-02-2021, 12:55 AM
Unhomed As in unhoused/homeless?
Because the house is empty except for N, of course
a buzzing fly is all that can be heard, I don't think end line commas are needed
tapping on the dusty glass that they usually sound like they're bouncing off the glass to me, but OK
an image fades and brightens through, This image is difficult for me, because I ask myself "what image?"
as if real enough to live in, until If it's looking in N's window, then I'm sure N considers it real enough to live in. Flies do not see or think like humans do, which causes issues for me, but I guess anthropomorphizing a fly is OK for a poem.
it would soon rest upon the sill
with the others. But, I will leave Since N leaves dead flies on the sill, it seems a bit odd that this one is about to get special treatment. Why not toss the dead ones outside?
the window open and tear the screen. With the window open, and the screen on the outside "...and tear the screen" may set the fly free, or it still may choose to fly inside the house through the open window. This confuses me as to what N wants to do- let the fly in the house, or expect it to take the escape route.
Referring back to your title, if I'm thinking that unhomed= homelessness, then I don't really get it, as most unhoused/unhomed folks are seeking to get in, not out. ?? So, I then read it as unhomed=keeping the fly out of your home. You can't have it both ways, though: the fly will either get in or out. Also, by tearing the screen you're inviting more flies in the house, if the window stays open. I like the brevity of this piece, yet feel it requires more clarity.
... Mark
(ps. I can't believe that a fly startled me by landing on my hand as I wrote this. So- I guess your poem literally reached out and touched me.)
Because the house is empty except for N, of course
a buzzing fly is all that can be heard, I don't think end line commas are needed
tapping on the dusty glass that they usually sound like they're bouncing off the glass to me, but OK
an image fades and brightens through, This image is difficult for me, because I ask myself "what image?"
as if real enough to live in, until If it's looking in N's window, then I'm sure N considers it real enough to live in. Flies do not see or think like humans do, which causes issues for me, but I guess anthropomorphizing a fly is OK for a poem.
it would soon rest upon the sill
with the others. But, I will leave Since N leaves dead flies on the sill, it seems a bit odd that this one is about to get special treatment. Why not toss the dead ones outside?
the window open and tear the screen. With the window open, and the screen on the outside "...and tear the screen" may set the fly free, or it still may choose to fly inside the house through the open window. This confuses me as to what N wants to do- let the fly in the house, or expect it to take the escape route.
Referring back to your title, if I'm thinking that unhomed= homelessness, then I don't really get it, as most unhoused/unhomed folks are seeking to get in, not out. ?? So, I then read it as unhomed=keeping the fly out of your home. You can't have it both ways, though: the fly will either get in or out. Also, by tearing the screen you're inviting more flies in the house, if the window stays open. I like the brevity of this piece, yet feel it requires more clarity.
... Mark
(ps. I can't believe that a fly startled me by landing on my hand as I wrote this. So- I guess your poem literally reached out and touched me.)