03-29-2021, 09:01 PM
Hi Thunder,
I'm an image junkie and your poem generates many striking images. On the meaning side, it feels almost like a riddle or a puzzle. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but at the end of the poem I'm still wondering what you are telling me.
STARGATE* of IVANHOE
In each card shuffled with scented confustion dealt
you deliver the sacred tree
with new time
appointed by the stars * ** **** * *** * ** ***** *** * * here's where I start wondering about meaning, especially why the asterisks ?, could be be decoration, could be a phone number
to cover the hemi - sphere
of the ancient scroll
the seed purchased land
growing up turbines
of plump, round and pregnant disposition my favorite lines, where I thought I was starting to get anwers
sun- touched and aimless
oh fruits of jupiter
or moses cactii
Anatoth riding out
gleams of Mercurial sea foam cucumber this is probably a personal thing, but I can't take cucumbers seriously except in a salad, maybe different color word for green
and de - canted canteloupe
decanted, sideways,
like jacob crying potatoes\ example of a striking image, but I can't connect it to the rest of the poem, and if it's the biblical Jacob, he wouldn't know what a potato is
into the jibbed soil
the moon ladder carrying aquarius
and buckets of apples
turned into hard cider my second favorite lines
One last suggestion on the asterisk business:
* ** **** appointed * *** * by ** the stars ***** *** * *
p.s. what's Ivanhoe doing here?
Summary: I like reading this poem, but I'm frustrated I can't understand it's ultimate meaning.
I'm an image junkie and your poem generates many striking images. On the meaning side, it feels almost like a riddle or a puzzle. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but at the end of the poem I'm still wondering what you are telling me.
STARGATE* of IVANHOE
In each card shuffled with scented confustion dealt
you deliver the sacred tree
with new time
appointed by the stars * ** **** * *** * ** ***** *** * * here's where I start wondering about meaning, especially why the asterisks ?, could be be decoration, could be a phone number
to cover the hemi - sphere
of the ancient scroll
the seed purchased land
growing up turbines
of plump, round and pregnant disposition my favorite lines, where I thought I was starting to get anwers
sun- touched and aimless
oh fruits of jupiter
or moses cactii
Anatoth riding out
gleams of Mercurial sea foam cucumber this is probably a personal thing, but I can't take cucumbers seriously except in a salad, maybe different color word for green
and de - canted canteloupe
decanted, sideways,
like jacob crying potatoes\ example of a striking image, but I can't connect it to the rest of the poem, and if it's the biblical Jacob, he wouldn't know what a potato is
into the jibbed soil
the moon ladder carrying aquarius
and buckets of apples
turned into hard cider my second favorite lines
One last suggestion on the asterisk business:
* ** **** appointed * *** * by ** the stars ***** *** * *
p.s. what's Ivanhoe doing here?
Summary: I like reading this poem, but I'm frustrated I can't understand it's ultimate meaning.