03-24-2021, 12:48 AM
Hey Tim-
Very fun fever dream, this one.
Might you consider cutting the first two words, and start at "candied.." ?
"Candle powered candied" has great sonics, but is impossible to make sense of, right outta the gate: let the weirdness build up.
As much as I was thrown off by the open, the ending is absolutely fantastical:
"a chance to win an afterlife
circled in neon yellow."
That ending was well worth the price of admission.
... Mark
Very fun fever dream, this one.
Might you consider cutting the first two words, and start at "candied.." ?
"Candle powered candied" has great sonics, but is impossible to make sense of, right outta the gate: let the weirdness build up.
As much as I was thrown off by the open, the ending is absolutely fantastical:
"a chance to win an afterlife
circled in neon yellow."
That ending was well worth the price of admission.
... Mark