Role Models

[alonso ramoran]

Weeded,

I really liked the flow of this poem. It feels very to the point. After reading multiple times though, I did have some comments/questions about the poem that I'll go through line by line:

I saw myself, I'm sure this line could go without the comma
as I am and was using "saw" in the previous line and "am" in this one creates some confusion with the tenses. Did the N see themselves as they are in the current moment, meaning they envisioned a future for themselves that they will have already attained? You could possibly make this more apparent by rewriting "as I am today, and was..." I also like the line break at "was"; it leaves the reader open to interpret it as the N feeling connected to who they were in the present moment while having their aspirations at the same time. Though, in the following line it kinda contradicts this line I think, which is interesting.
your little nuances
engrained in the divots I don't understand the use of "divots" here. As in roofing for cottages or the marks on turf left by golf clubs? What does either have to do with the poem?
like sand in the epidermis- "in" or "on"? also, why not just say skin?
unbothering to a sunbather
gently losing you, so far, I'm still unclear on who "you" is
like sand off the beach. nice simile, but in such a short poem where two similes involve sand, I find myself comparing the two and I find this one more evocative and a more effective comparison. Maybe you could find another way to convey what you were trying to in L5?

I'm aware now
copacetic in the cabana
Kabbalah as my witness. The ending falls flat for me. It might just be context that I'm missing, but I'm lost on how this ties the poem together and how this relates back to the title "Role Models". Maybe a different title is needed?

Thank you for the read,
Alex