03-17-2021, 11:45 PM
edit1;
Man in blaze-yellow
jacket tints white lab he’s walking
dog-daffodil.
Man in blaze-yellow
jacket tints white lab he’s walking
dog-daffodil.
(03-17-2021, 10:42 PM)Mark A Becker Wrote: Hey alien-Always a good response, @Mark, thanks to you and the other commenters. Revision to stress color... I actually witnessed this, there are yellow Labradors (should "lab" be capitalized?) but the day-glo jacket's flare made this dog look strangely pastel. On only one side.
I had a little trouble immediately visualizing "dog daffodil", but that's my problem.
Since I have seen the blaze yellow daffodils that signal spring coming, this poem has an odd way of making sense.
It took some thought from my slow brain to understand that the scene turns the lab into a "dog daffodil", and perhaps "into a dog daffodil" might offer immediate clarity of the image.
That said, I do appreciate a poem (words) that describes a scene like a snapshot photo.
Thanks,
Mark
Non-practicing atheist

