Sadness - edit

[dukealien]

Sadness


I look across my street and see
my neighbor’s car with one side scraped
it’s not a beauty of a car
and he’s no prize, my neighbor, but
to see that scrape just makes me sad.
Am I a crazy man or bad
to sympathize so helplessly
or, pride aside, the opposite?

It might be fun to rewrite this using words of no more than two syllables?

The present tense makes it seem awkward to me.

We know it is not occurring in real time - you wrote about it . . .

Good point.  I'll see how it looks in past tense...

though what happens is, every time I look at that car, I think this.  And this one time, I wrote (or, anyway, mentally composed) it, so there it hangs, frozen in time, all molecular motion suspended in the present tense.