02-27-2021, 01:10 AM
My 2 cents:
Olive of an earth take out "an"
with smoldering red center,
what does it mean
to always be growing?
The top shelf
weighing over the bottom. I don't really get this line's meaning, and maybe it could be cut.
Gardens avalanche
out of our arms.
Snail shells spiral
out eternally.
We each keep our own labyrinth.
Knee deep in a generous world
seeping in its own corpses. shouldn't the corpses be doing the seeping?
Every Autumn
smells like brown bugs,
and not changing
becomes its own breed of change. this is a strong ending. But for some reason, I want to add another stanza, bringing us back to the Earth as a whole.
Olive of an earth take out "an"
with smoldering red center,
what does it mean
to always be growing?
The top shelf
weighing over the bottom. I don't really get this line's meaning, and maybe it could be cut.
Gardens avalanche
out of our arms.
Snail shells spiral
out eternally.
We each keep our own labyrinth.
Knee deep in a generous world
seeping in its own corpses. shouldn't the corpses be doing the seeping?
Every Autumn
smells like brown bugs,
and not changing
becomes its own breed of change. this is a strong ending. But for some reason, I want to add another stanza, bringing us back to the Earth as a whole.