Garden thoughts

[Knot]

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Hi Miley,
enjoyed the read, the second stanza more than the first. (Could you stand to cut S1 entirely
and begin with the much more engaging 'Gardens avalanche out of our arms'?)

Gardens avalanche out of our arms
snail shells spiral out eternally
(any way to avoid the repetition of out?)

Knee deep in a generous world
we each keep out own labyrinth

Seeping in its own corpses
Every Autumn smells like brown bugs
(Seeping in its own corpses doesn't make much sense, though I liked the deep/keep/seep thread
but Every Autumn smells like brown bugs is a terrific line)

and not changing becomes
its own breed of change.
(I think it just falls at the last.
Breed seems out of place in a gardening context, and the repetition of change doesn't work, for me)


Alternatively

Every Autumn smells like brown bugs
snail shells spiral out eternally

Knee deep in a generous world
Gardens avalanche from our hands

we each keep out own labyrinth
Seeping in its own corpses

and not changing becomes
its own breed of change.



Best, Knot


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