02-18-2021, 10:36 AM
Hey Alexorande, I enjoyed reading your poem. It reminded me of a documentary I watched sometime ago about alternative living and how the ways in which we live is somehow inharmonious with nature. Its a sad little poem, but the last sentiment of opening the window confronts that. It also speaks to migration in general, I'm thinking of the US/Mexican border struggle, or the Syrian refuge crisis, though i'm hesitant to think of these people as flies! Maybe i'm totally off your mark.. but thats where my close read took me. Thanks for sharing, some more comments below.
(02-16-2021, 04:40 AM)alexorande Wrote: Because the house is empty, I'm not sure I have any particular feelings about starting the poem off with because but I suppose you could always try to get it in the title if you decide you don't like it in this line, but want to keep it.
all that can be heard This poem is pretty tight with its economy, that said, if any line is disposable it may be this one! I think once you give us the sound of the fly it will be all we hear.
is a buzzing fly, tapping on
an image kept by dusty glass I did read this as a picture frame my first couple of times, then I thought there is a photograph on the window sill? I'm making associations between flies being drawn to decay and how a photograph is of a past event. But actually my current reading is that the image is maybe whatever is behind the window, be that an exterior view or an interior view. Still not entirely sure.
as if it was real enough
to live in, even if the sill
will be where it rests
with the others. So,
I'll leave the window open
and tear the screen. I like tearing the screen because its more aggressive/active than just opening the window. The narrator really commits to their conviction!
Minor edit: