02-17-2021, 11:30 PM
(02-16-2021, 04:40 AM)alexorande Wrote: Because the house is empty, An empty houseFree verse construction: how did you decide on your line ends rather than the end of a natural phrase or clause? Could wordage be cut? - e.g. An empty house, a buzzing (annoying) fly tap, tap, tapping...
all that can be heard a buzzing fly
is a buzzing fly, tapping on ...
an image kept in dusty glass
as if it was real enough
to live in, even if the sill
will be where it rests
with the others. So,
I'll leave the window open
and tear the screen.
Strong imagery. Flies can buzz at anything. And I particularly like the sill covered in dead flies, potentially the resting place of the current subject.
Take what you want, bin the rest.
A poet who can't make the language sing doesn't start. Hence the shortage of real poems amongst the global planktonic field of duds. - Clive James.