One Night Stand on Der Zauberberg

[Knot]

.

Hi TqB,

with regards to the third verse, if it is an event, make it one. A bit more show and a little less tell there might bring that section to life.

At the moment it's something important to the poet, not to the poem.

At the risk of overstepping, you might edit the second verse so that the focus is on the 'knight' first, and the group (who don't really

seem to play much of a role in the rest of the poem) second. Arguably you could cut all mention of 'them' and their 'van' and simply

add those details to the fourth verse.

Best, Knot

.