12-02-2020, 02:03 PM
Hey Torkel. Nice to see you back and experimenting with different forms again. How many is that now?
I know this is in fun, but I just wanted to point out one thing. When working within meter and form there is a tendency to pad a piece with filler words in order to maintain the meter. We all do it, but the shorter the piece, the more obvious the filler words become. Because a triolet is essentially only 5 lines, the filler words are magnified as they get repeated. The poem is fine but could be much tighter with some tweaking. I'll highlight below.
I know this is in fun, but I just wanted to point out one thing. When working within meter and form there is a tendency to pad a piece with filler words in order to maintain the meter. We all do it, but the shorter the piece, the more obvious the filler words become. Because a triolet is essentially only 5 lines, the filler words are magnified as they get repeated. The poem is fine but could be much tighter with some tweaking. I'll highlight below.
(12-02-2020, 09:36 AM)Torkelburger Wrote: Aging
I’m now too old to climb a tree.
I’d fall and break a bone.
And not as agile as I used to be,
I’m now too old to climb a tree.
The years have passed too fast for me.
I wish I hadn’t grown.
I’m now too old to climb a tree.
I’d fall and break a bone.