11-23-2020, 02:38 AM
.
Enjoyed the read, Duke,
naïveté and all - though the few/blue rhyme jarred a bit. And the 'rocky breath' was well, a bit 'rocky'.
Then there's the three 'coulds' in the opening verse. But minor nits all.
Would there be a way to avoid the repetition of winds (the title and headwinds)?
Probably shifts the focus too much, but start with 'we'?
the odd thought, or two ...
I’ve faced headwinds all my life, been forced
to tack a weary line (just) to get ahead.
And I won’t claim I never steered close to
wrong, in port or in a woman's bed
but none can call me thief or cheat, no sir
nor say my word alone was not enough
I fought for what we thought was right and fit
giving quarter to them as asked for it.
So with my voyage done I don’t fear death
ten thousand guiding stars fill up the sky
...
Best, Knot
(PS, any chance of stuns'l for stunsail?
)
.
Enjoyed the read, Duke,
naïveté and all - though the few/blue rhyme jarred a bit. And the 'rocky breath' was well, a bit 'rocky'.
Then there's the three 'coulds' in the opening verse. But minor nits all.
Would there be a way to avoid the repetition of winds (the title and headwinds)?
Probably shifts the focus too much, but start with 'we'?
the odd thought, or two ...
I’ve faced headwinds all my life, been forced
to tack a weary line (just) to get ahead.
And I won’t claim I never steered close to
wrong, in port or in a woman's bed
but none can call me thief or cheat, no sir
nor say my word alone was not enough
I fought for what we thought was right and fit
giving quarter to them as asked for it.
So with my voyage done I don’t fear death
ten thousand guiding stars fill up the sky
...
Best, Knot
(PS, any chance of stuns'l for stunsail?
).