Polaris

[Knot]

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Hi Miley,
enjoyed the read, the gathering of momentum and some of the dystopian images (gas prices, rattlesnake syringes,
terrestrial hum drum, in particular.)

Not sure you need the first four lines, "We orient ourselves" seems to offer a stronger start.
I thought verse four was the weakest, felt it interrupted the flow, do you need it?

Wondered if you needed 'peaks' after 'desperate'?
Definitely think you need the g on the end of pumpin

Just a thought ...

North of artificial light and roadside heat, north
of gas prices and syringes lurking like rattlesnakes in tall grasses,
north of familiar bonds and bones and bones all together.

North of bountiful borealisms, terrestrial hum
drum. and beaten earth. North of the same sun
fucking the same fucking sky into submission.
I demand north.


(bountiful borealisms sound a bit off key to me, it's reads as accidentally jokey/humorous, and plump might be revisited.)


Best, Knot




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