10-18-2020, 08:36 AM
hello - I was intrigued by the title - physics and poetry?
lots of good advice already given - so I'll try a different tack
and I'm rather disappointed that the poem's only concern is the condition and thoughts of the narrator - why appeal to Einstein? - he wasn't a philosopher...
there are too many lines that seem separate statements - for the rhyme? - lacking cohesion and a stemming the narrative.
the resolution is unclear - another reference to the narrator? - who cares unless you can make it relative? (pun on purpose) - by showing it...
the writing is good (if unpunctuated) with a wide vocabulary and nice poetic phrasing - and with rhyming that was engagingly inconsistent- just get the message right......
lots of good advice already given - so I'll try a different tack
and I'm rather disappointed that the poem's only concern is the condition and thoughts of the narrator - why appeal to Einstein? - he wasn't a philosopher...
there are too many lines that seem separate statements - for the rhyme? - lacking cohesion and a stemming the narrative.
the resolution is unclear - another reference to the narrator? - who cares unless you can make it relative? (pun on purpose) - by showing it...
the writing is good (if unpunctuated) with a wide vocabulary and nice poetic phrasing - and with rhyming that was engagingly inconsistent- just get the message right......