09-02-2020, 11:57 PM
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Like the revision duke.
Not sure about the switch from the impersonal 'invaders' to the directness of 'your mob' - either one or the other. Or possibly
We do care, you know.
And though we won’t
post signs about it
this is a nice place
a beautiful, peaceful
beloved place, so,
for you, invaders,
please accept this
gift of words:
see suburbia and die.
By 'three words' I didn't mean a direct address to BLM or whoever, but a three word phrase as opposed to the four it currently is.
Three words sets up an expectation that four doesn't, I think, and it would be interesting to confound that with the final line.
Wondered about "by their fruits" as a title?
Also wondered about making every line (except the last, if you're set on it) three words long?
Best, Knot
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