Why? Needs, wants and wishes

[VikaJigulina]

VikaJigulina,

Questions are a rhetorical device not a poetical ones. It can work fine in speechifying, but generally weakens a poem. 

example:

"I speak, no one listens,
What I say is left unprovoked."

Overall the poem reads like a list (a wish list). Lists are boring.

Drop the caps at the start of every line and only cap beginning of sentences for clarity and readability.

Use punctuation correctly for clarity and readability.

Avoid starting so many of your lines with "I", unless you are trying to illuminate self-centeredness. 

Avoid repetitiveness. 

best,

dale

This is probably some of the most useful advice ive received. thanks a lot I genuinely appreciate it. I'm in the process of editing and as much as I adore my original poem for what it means to me, your advice is beyond honest. though it may not be what I wanted to hear, its what I needed to. al your ideas will definitely contribute to a better rewrite for an audience. thanks again.