Draft 4: The Poor Man's Dawn

[RiverNotch]

Patriotic embers of the stolen land
of milk and honey fade
before they touch the earth
like flecks of daybreak gold
becoming dust
in the crowded shade.
First stanza strong. This is not about just any place: "stolen land of milk and honey" pretty clearly refers, I think, to the United States of America. Where so-called patriots firmly embrace the second amendment while discarding all the rest.

And, empty as a dark star
and the pigs' suits, the buildings loom
as monuments to suffering,
feeding shadow to the flowers
that burgeoned through concrete.
Second stanza clumsy. "Pigs" too obvious, "buildings loom as monuments to suffering" too bland. 

Beneath their jackboot grows the dream
that transcends memory and pounds
behind our ribs. Cool bright wind
carries lavender from linens
tugging on a clothesline. Now,
viscous black waves break closer.
Third stanza romantic, which is not necessarily a compliment.  "jackboot", "the dream that pounds behind our ribs", "linens on a clothesline": those remind me more of Les Miserables (the musical) than actual revolutions. "Viscous black waves break closer" is very good, though. Hmm....consider more Homer (which the imagery in this line reminds me of), Beowulf (the sonics), or, heck, even the Bible (more your first stanza than this line, though)?

When night lingers, the song of mourning 
doves await the air
in a burst of glass and fuel.
Ditto third stanza. Mourning/morning pun and the juxtaposition between doves and burst I acknowledge, but still find too sentimental. 

On "buildings loom as monuments to suffering", I think this thesis by Walter Benjamin might be of some use. Translated by Harry Zohn.

VII
Consider the darkness and the great cold
In this vale which resounds with mysery.
---Brecht, The Threepenny Opera

To historians who wish to relive an era, Fustel de Coulanges recommends that they blot out everything they know about the later course of history. There is no better way of characterizing the method with which historical materialism has broken. It is a process of empathy whose origin is the indolence of the heart, acedia, which despairs of grasping and holding the genuine historical image as it flares up briefly. Among medieval theologians it was regarded as the root cause of sadness. Flaubert, who was familiar with it, wrote: "Peu de gens devineront combien il a fallu etre triste pour ressusciter Carthage."* The nature of this sadness stands out more clearly if one asks with whom the adherents of historicism actually empathize. The answer is inevitable: with the victor. And all rulers are the heirs of those who conquered before them. Hence, empathy with the victor invariably benefits the rulers. Historical materialists know what that means. Whoever has emerged victorious participates to this day in the triumphal procession in which the present rulers step over those who are lying prostrate. According to traditional practice, the spoils are carried along in the procession. They are cultural treasures, and a historical materialist views them with cautious detachment. For without exception the cultural treasures he surveys have an origin which he cannot contemplate without horror. They owe their existence not only to the efforts of the great minds and talents who have created them, but also to the anonymous toil of their contemporaries. There is no document of civilization which is not at the same time a document of barbarism. And just as such a document is not free of barbarism, barbarism taints also the manner in which it was transmitted from one owner to another. A historical materialist therefore dissociates himself from it as far as possible. He regards it as his task to brush history against the grain.

* "Few will be able to guess how sad one had to be in order to resuscitate Carthage."


Emphasis on According to traditional practice.... mine. Keep in mind this was written shortly before Benjamin committed suicide due to failing to escape the Nazis.