Back to School Education for Kids
#4
(08-13-2020, 03:09 AM)rowens Wrote:  A three year old student is vulgar past consideration. There's also a risk of exposure to obsessive compulsive disorder evident in these lines. If viruses can spread over the internet, why not?
I'd advise some nonclinical playful humor that children can laugh about. The content, should the kids take the time to consider it over the next few days and years, is quite morbid. The first two lines are fine. But it then descends into hand sanitized despair.
I write in this stodgy manner to illustrate just how I mean.
I agree with rowens that the poem would be greatly improved with a more apparent and lighthearted sense of play. Perhaps 1 or 2 puns and/or added ebullient word choice. Especially the last line—a little militaristic and dystopian for my liking. I do really appreciate your obvious attempt to instill practical morals and behaviors, though!
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Messages In This Thread
RE: Back to School Education for Kids - by rowens - 08-13-2020, 03:09 AM
RE: Back to School Education for Kids - by Joyful Noise - 08-13-2020, 06:41 AM
RE: Back to School Education for Kids - by Iamrj - 09-01-2020, 11:34 AM



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