Draft 4: The Poor Man's Dawn

[dukealien]

Patriotic embers of the land
of milk and honey fade
before they touch the earth
like flecks of daybreak gold
becoming dust
in the crowded shade.   Nice rhyme with "fade"

And, empty as a dark star  thoughts of the space comedy, immediately suppressed
and their suits, the buildings loom  I find "suits" confusing here - should there be a comma after "buildings" to clarify?
as monuments to suffering,
feeding shadow to the flowers
that burgeoned through concrete.  second reference to shadows, now of buildings

Beneath their jackboot grows the dream
that transcends memory and pounds
behind our ribs. Cool bright wind
carries lavender from linens
tugging on a clothesline, now
viscous black waves break closer. the black wave could be so many things these days - depending on the city!

When night lingers, the song
of the mourning dove awaits
in a burst of glass and fuel.  again, so many possible referents here

This is generally deft and excellent, so not much to critique.  I suggested one comma (g). 

So many cities are suffering so, just this week and last - Spokane, Seattle, Hong Kong, Beirut - most with flames, some with pulsating heart spirits, more than a few with jackboots.  And all, as described, overshadowed by too-tall buildings that turn, in an instant, into rains of razor glass, glittering menace.

The poor man's family clothesline, near to the ground, grounded, but perfuming the wind instead of high airborne clouds, stinking smoke of Molotov cocktails (glass and fuel), balcony hibachis overturned by the blast, burnt flesh.

It's complicated and subject to interpretation, but captures the spirit of the moment so well.  I guess another criticism would be he title:  not only the poor suffer in this (though the rich, mostly, do not).  The sufferers - and perpetrators, though this is left out - are poor in the sense of unfortunate rather than lacking resources.  And recourse, as well.

Okay, title, comma, maybe a hint that these people have in some respects brought this on themselves by moving to and living in the big tower machine.  

Almost forgot:  Hiroshima and Nagasaki... but more, firebombed Tokyo (which, however, lacked skyscrapers then).

In intermediate critique, little to change.  Sorry for providing so little useful input; glad to have read it.