Three Women in a Small Town

[Valerie Please]

I think that’s fair and it’s a concern of mine. 

I don't think a simple aabb rhyme scheme works very well for narrative poetry of any respectable length. It wears out the reader's ears. I'd suggest going for something more complex, or mixing it up a little bit.

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To add to that: abab is just as bad.

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I also think the meter needs to get changed up, too, honestly.

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Hi Valerie,

I agree with busker on the rhyme scheme, I don't think it serves this piece/these pieces well and taking your point about idiom/cliché - 'rolled into town' is nothing if not clichéd and hits the wrong note right from the start.

It's difficult to know, without benefit of the 'larger' narrative' whether these sketches are in the right order. Leaving 'Viola' till last might allow the town to be established through the other two characters, and make that annoying question redundant. The reader might have enough information to infer the 'town's reaction' without you having to highlight it. Maybe the verses should be intercut with one another?

I also liked the period details (crystal gazer, was nice), that sense of 1940/50s melodrama, more of those, less of 'fast smack the arrow' please

I enjoyed the unintentional ambiguity in
Rachel Miller is straight as a board
Raises an eyebrow, praises the lord
(either she causes eyebrows to be raised, or raises her own)
but the rhyme scheme really does such a severe character a disservice.


Best, Knot


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