08-05-2020, 12:47 AM
The first 5 lines of the poem do a good job of "showing, not telling", which is what distinguishes poetry from prose. The simile of the flailing tail to a wind up toy is original (at least for me) and apt.
The rest of the poem is the author wondering aloud rather prosaically.
At the very least, the poem could be improved by cutting out excess words such as 'must have been', and ending it at 'die'? I don't know where the last line is coming from....what 'esteem' are you referring to in the lines above? Looks to me to be quite the opposite.
The rest of the poem is the author wondering aloud rather prosaically.
At the very least, the poem could be improved by cutting out excess words such as 'must have been', and ending it at 'die'? I don't know where the last line is coming from....what 'esteem' are you referring to in the lines above? Looks to me to be quite the opposite.