07-27-2020, 08:41 PM
(07-16-2020, 05:52 AM)Exit Wrote: Me Animal SoulNice
We’re born from a fold,
of infinite folds— .... The first 'fold' is good. Coitus, the folding and unfolding thereof, or any number of interesting interpretations. In the second line, 'infinite' as a substitute for 'very many' teeters on the edge of acceptability. Perhaps it's a bit too cliched.
pleats of ειδoς and υλη. ....the Greek works if the words are specific Platonic concepts (or similar). Otherwise, it's showing off for no reason. A footnote would help here (at least for this forum, if not for published work)
Born to bones, and
expressions of bones,
into a sorrow escaped from a joy. ... the last line links up well with the first. I'm not sure what 'expressions of bones' are, but it's vague enough for the reader to interpret his own way without being too pompous.