The Battle of Garmin 2020

[Valerie Please]

Boomers use paper.

And we all looked up from our screens
rendered as useless as our navels. 
Shooting accusing glances at our 
flesh and blood who’d long-since tired
of our narcissistic marathon stories.
“You thought we were chasing worthless trinkets of egotism. Unbranded we were just sweat, but incorporation has made our bodies worthy of theft and ransom. Our negative splits will divide empires.”

We put our dysfunctional gadgets on to charge and sign up for Strava, “Now who looks like the dumb one?”

no one has a Garmin   get a fucking iwatch boomer

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Strava is for athletes what being loved by a child is for the Velveteen Rabbit: it makes them real. Unless our activities are recorded online somewhere, they didn’t happen. 

Sign up for Strava? What is that? Also amusing poem.