Jacob

[Knot]

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Hi penned,

'exhaled' seems a bit academic.

Would

When I was seventeen

I sunk to the bottom of my uncle’s pool,

opened my mouth and

billowed in the blue half light

like a sheet on the washing line.

work?

I think you've got the sentiment/idea right in L3, but I don't think that 'frangible' is the right word.

This isn't right either but

... towels.

brittle and unwelcoming

Something ...

Might this flow better?

I remembered

blood red poppies and

a painting at The National.

Being wrapped in your cling film

dreams - and keeping your hands

in my back pockets.

Best, Knot

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