Begin not the Beguine

[Tiger the Lion]

Hey Dale. I need a little more time with this as I know I still have much to digest after the first sitting. For now, I think the poem would benefit from some strategic punctuation and maybe white space. I know those are writer's choices, but I think there are spots where the reader could be helped along. See below...

Begin not the Beguine

Yes, I suppose I could write a poem love the conversational tone. "Yes," is a strong start 
about the minutia of my life (semi-colon, em dash or space feels needed. A comma even)
it’s all been better said before
in monotones of black and white. after "white" seems a good time for white space before the next line
Writing in tomes of reminiscence
where there’s no room for gray
and only Hemingway sharp edges did you mean Hemingway's here? Otherwise I'm reading it as Hemingway-sharp
are docked, not floating in the bay.
Yet should a storm arise things then these next 3 lines are tricky to read. A few commas might slow it down
most surely would be tossed about
making it seem so uncertain
how the ending would come out.
But we can’t have that for uncertainty again, I think a comma after "that" would help the reader
is now the greatest sin
and always padded for our safety
the Beguine cannot begin.
I’ve heard from profane sources that
it’s still danced in Martinique
under pretense of sweaty sex
though really it’s the dance they seek!
Listen, and I’ll tell you true
for surely it’s a mortal sin
they take your freedom from you so
the Beguine will not begin.


©2020 revised erthona

Sorry for not commenting on the subject matter. Like I said, I haven't quite digested it yet. I especially like the half rhymes and the rhymes mid-line. Just my first impression was that it could almost be broken into quatrains. There is enough here to enjoy in small bites. I know it's in MISC but I wanted to offer a reader's crit, more than a writer's crit.
Thanks for the read, Dale