05-24-2020, 11:58 PM
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Hi Penned.
Enjoyed the indignation in the opening (almost wanted it on a line by itself) and the tone throughout, but it's a little bit repetitious, for me. You've three cakes in quick succession, then two tins, then two butter beans. Easy fix?
Not sure about 'two-stepped', is it a reference to the dance, or to 'two metres' ? Or the singularity of 'shelf'. And 'citizens'?
Without touching your form
... just a suggestion.
This is not a real red velvet cake. This is chocolate with red food dye and white frosting sitting on a blue plate. Red cake, white lie. BBC weather says its sunny and cloudy but its not sunny, just cloudy, and either the meteorologists are wrong or they are playing games with me, but its not funny, ok? I maintained my social distance for twenty minutes outside a corner shop for a tin of chickpeas and when I got there the shelf was empty: just a rogue can of butter beans winking at the sweetcorn and laughing at me. I two-metered my way home, Head down, face-behind-mask, avoiding citizens like the plague to treat myself.
Best, Knot
.
Hi Penned.
Enjoyed the indignation in the opening (almost wanted it on a line by itself) and the tone throughout, but it's a little bit repetitious, for me. You've three cakes in quick succession, then two tins, then two butter beans. Easy fix?
Not sure about 'two-stepped', is it a reference to the dance, or to 'two metres' ? Or the singularity of 'shelf'. And 'citizens'?
Without touching your form
... just a suggestion.This is not a real red velvet cake. This is chocolate with red food dye and white frosting sitting on a blue plate. Red cake, white lie. BBC weather says its sunny and cloudy but its not sunny, just cloudy, and either the meteorologists are wrong or they are playing games with me, but its not funny, ok? I maintained my social distance for twenty minutes outside a corner shop for a tin of chickpeas and when I got there the shelf was empty: just a rogue can of butter beans winking at the sweetcorn and laughing at me. I two-metered my way home, Head down, face-behind-mask, avoiding citizens like the plague to treat myself.
Best, Knot
.