05-24-2020, 02:56 AM
I like this! First stanza is the strongest, and parts of the third.
I feel some of the imagery in the second and third stanza's is a little generic.
I’m from Sunday roasts and rebellion,
From old friends and new beginnings.
I’m from tea-time drinks,
And late-night listening.
This is a little cliched - could you find some more original, specific imagery - similar to in paragraph 1?
I’m from the lighthouse,
From paraffin, and salty air.
I’m from the patter of the tenements,
(a generation removed,
It overwhelmed my senses).
I really liked this. Your voice can be clearly heard.
Personally I would remove this line in the last stanza - A gallery of happy rogues. Its a little descriptive, I feel it would be stronger without it.
Keep up the good work.
BW
Sarah
I feel some of the imagery in the second and third stanza's is a little generic.
I’m from Sunday roasts and rebellion,
From old friends and new beginnings.
I’m from tea-time drinks,
And late-night listening.
This is a little cliched - could you find some more original, specific imagery - similar to in paragraph 1?
I’m from the lighthouse,
From paraffin, and salty air.
I’m from the patter of the tenements,
(a generation removed,
It overwhelmed my senses).
I really liked this. Your voice can be clearly heard.
Personally I would remove this line in the last stanza - A gallery of happy rogues. Its a little descriptive, I feel it would be stronger without it.
Keep up the good work.
BW
Sarah