Green

[ComposerMike]

I haven’t decided if this one is finished yet or not, but I thought I would go ahead and post it anyway.


I noticed her eyes green like glass.
A tall blonde with class,
Underneath the overpass.
Without a sense of danger
She approached a stranger.
Not seeing what was concealed
Until it was revealed.
The last sight seen,
With her eyes of green,
Will remain a mystery it seems.
But in the darkest of dreams
I hear not her screams,
But see the look of surprise 
In the greenest of eyes.
Disturbing my sleep, 
I awake and weep.
Eyes red and wet,
I’m filled with regret.
 

I'm new to poetry and to critique, but I'll do my best. I like the story and the intense emotion.. but at first, because you notice her eyes, I assumed she was looking at you and that you were her last sight. Then I realized that was wrong, so it's a mite confusing. It leaves me wondering in what context or role you were present that you would notice her eyes as part of your witness to this, presumably, attack. Also I'd like more details on what happened to  her, rather than leaving that unstated.