04-23-2020, 01:04 AM
I enjoyed the unique rhythm and rhyme combo with this and applaud you for playing with meter so well. I've got a couple thoughts below for your consideration - or not. After all, it's your poem. 
Upon a misty morning, through predicted dew
I saw a figure shadowed, maybe it was you.
Too shy to step much closer, or to step away
I'm frozen. In decision. Still enough to pray
I like how fluttery this rhyme is. It makes me feel sort of nostalgic and blue at the same time. If that makes sense. As someone else mentioned, I also think "I'm frozen in decision" works better.
for inner turmoil banished - act now, do not think!
Extend a hand, unfurl a smile. Through mist, a wink
of comprehension. Separate lives can be adhered
And solitude upended. Put to rest the years
of missed intentions. Actions cleaved from thoughts. Unread
designs, unopened notes. Instead. Unwrought. My smile
met not with pleasure. Glance remains unseen. Fragile
attempts stay undercover. Fight dissolves to dream.
I know someone mentioned not getting the last line of this stanza. I think I do and wouldn't want you to cut it unless your mind was set. I'm getting that the inner fight fades away into acceptance of loss that becomes only a memory or dream.
I blinked and it was over; cannot make you stay
The place you stood glows empty, morning turned to day.
My heart's a figure lighter, hollowed in my chest
A friendship lost, a path untread. Of mist - unrest.
Great ending. Love the title and the way it's integrated into the poem. Well done.
Upon a misty morning, through predicted dew
I saw a figure shadowed, maybe it was you.
Too shy to step much closer, or to step away
I'm frozen. In decision. Still enough to pray
I like how fluttery this rhyme is. It makes me feel sort of nostalgic and blue at the same time. If that makes sense. As someone else mentioned, I also think "I'm frozen in decision" works better.
for inner turmoil banished - act now, do not think!
Extend a hand, unfurl a smile. Through mist, a wink
of comprehension. Separate lives can be adhered
And solitude upended. Put to rest the years
of missed intentions. Actions cleaved from thoughts. Unread
designs, unopened notes. Instead. Unwrought. My smile
met not with pleasure. Glance remains unseen. Fragile
attempts stay undercover. Fight dissolves to dream.
I know someone mentioned not getting the last line of this stanza. I think I do and wouldn't want you to cut it unless your mind was set. I'm getting that the inner fight fades away into acceptance of loss that becomes only a memory or dream.
I blinked and it was over; cannot make you stay
The place you stood glows empty, morning turned to day.
My heart's a figure lighter, hollowed in my chest
A friendship lost, a path untread. Of mist - unrest.
Great ending. Love the title and the way it's integrated into the poem. Well done.