04-21-2020, 05:56 AM
Hello mlea-
Interesting piece, mysterious...
I am a big fan of syllabic poems, and yours has pretty natural end rhymes, to boot. Most of the line breaks work well, too.
Perhaps "a friendship missed..." in the last line, and something to replace "Of mist - unrest".
Cool beans,
... Mark
Interesting piece, mysterious...
I am a big fan of syllabic poems, and yours has pretty natural end rhymes, to boot. Most of the line breaks work well, too.
Perhaps "a friendship missed..." in the last line, and something to replace "Of mist - unrest".
Cool beans,
... Mark

