04-07-2020, 09:27 AM
I really enjoyed this poem, the imagery is lovely. And the last stanza is just perfection, but something was odd about the second stanza. And I didn't realize the problem until I started counting syllables (using my fingers mind you, so this can be wrong) and realized that this line:
of comprehension. Separate lives can be adhered
is the only line in the poem that has 13 syllables.
for inner turmoil banished - act now, do not think!
Extend a hand, unfurl a smile. Through mist, a wink
of comprehension. "Parted" lives can be adhered
And solitude upended. Put to rest the years
I don't know if you meant to work in 12 syllable lines only, but I think reworking this line would make the poem better.
Keep writing, especially during these times.
of comprehension. Separate lives can be adhered
is the only line in the poem that has 13 syllables.
for inner turmoil banished - act now, do not think!
Extend a hand, unfurl a smile. Through mist, a wink
of comprehension. "Parted" lives can be adhered
And solitude upended. Put to rest the years
I don't know if you meant to work in 12 syllable lines only, but I think reworking this line would make the poem better.
Keep writing, especially during these times.