03-31-2020, 03:26 AM
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Hi Tiger,
also enjoyed the piece (trying to tie each verse to an old sci-fi film/show added an extra layer.
Star Trek (original series) and Forbidden Planet being the most obvious candidates).
Couple of minor nits/niggles. Lots of 'ands' - the two in S2 and the first lines of S4 and S6,
as well as those in the last two lines of S6.
I also thought 'however darkened is the case' (S5) was a bit weak (comparatively).
Would S3 work as a zombie's appetite could grow / so much he'd gobble Time and Space ?
Just a thought for the final verse
and so should we. To boldly go -
Nowhere. Not now. None leave this place
when winds are high and clouds are low
when sun assumes a muted glow.
Best, Knot
.
Hi Tiger,
also enjoyed the piece (trying to tie each verse to an old sci-fi film/show added an extra layer.
Star Trek (original series) and Forbidden Planet being the most obvious candidates).
Couple of minor nits/niggles. Lots of 'ands' - the two in S2 and the first lines of S4 and S6,
as well as those in the last two lines of S6.
I also thought 'however darkened is the case' (S5) was a bit weak (comparatively).
Would S3 work as a zombie's appetite could grow / so much he'd gobble Time and Space ?
Just a thought for the final verse
and so should we. To boldly go -
Nowhere. Not now. None leave this place
when winds are high and clouds are low
when sun assumes a muted glow.
Best, Knot
.