03-08-2020, 04:53 AM
Thanks for the input, knot, mjweise, tiger and Duke.
This was written in ballad meter, i.e alternating lines of iambic tetrameter and iambic trimeter with the second and fourth line rhyming.
The lines that do not meet this pattern are, "yield your foolish pride" and "refusing pleas for more time" as noted.
I intentionally made "yield your foolish pride" a headless line for emphasis. However it seems a problem so I may change it to "and yield your foolish pride" as Duke suggested earlier as the reading seems problematic for all.
"refusing pleas for more time" is an error as it is absent a syllable (good job for all who caught it), although I am at a loss as to how to fix it. Everything I can think of seems forced. The best so far is "refusing pleas (then)for more time. To me this still seems forced, but the line is problematic without such intervention, maybe tiger suggestion.
Knot,
I think "then gentle be the ride" misses the point which is to get Death not to take you. However it is a nice line and could be used in another poem.
"...then gentle be the ride," she said,
and softly took my hand
though cold it was and blue it was...
Maybe someone could finish it? Nice ballad meter practice.
"e'en though I wept and pled" is a syllable short for the line, trimeter rather than tetrameter.
Thanks again,
dale
This was written in ballad meter, i.e alternating lines of iambic tetrameter and iambic trimeter with the second and fourth line rhyming.
The lines that do not meet this pattern are, "yield your foolish pride" and "refusing pleas for more time" as noted.
I intentionally made "yield your foolish pride" a headless line for emphasis. However it seems a problem so I may change it to "and yield your foolish pride" as Duke suggested earlier as the reading seems problematic for all.
"refusing pleas for more time" is an error as it is absent a syllable (good job for all who caught it), although I am at a loss as to how to fix it. Everything I can think of seems forced. The best so far is "refusing pleas (then)for more time. To me this still seems forced, but the line is problematic without such intervention, maybe tiger suggestion.
Knot,
I think "then gentle be the ride" misses the point which is to get Death not to take you. However it is a nice line and could be used in another poem.
"...then gentle be the ride," she said,
and softly took my hand
though cold it was and blue it was...
Maybe someone could finish it? Nice ballad meter practice.
"e'en though I wept and pled" is a syllable short for the line, trimeter rather than tetrameter.
Thanks again,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.