Spread Your Wings
#2
mjweise.

Hi, welcome.

A couple of problems:

The meter or even the accents per line are off here and there, which tends to disrupt the reading.

A number of the phrases are cliche which weakens the message.

best,

dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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Messages In This Thread
Spread Your Wings - by mjweise - 02-22-2020, 01:00 AM
RE: Spread Your Wings - by Erthona - 02-24-2020, 03:31 AM
RE: Spread Your Wings - by mjweise - 02-26-2020, 09:37 PM
RE: Spread Your Wings - by CRNDLSM - 02-28-2020, 12:32 PM
RE: Spread Your Wings - by Wjames - 02-28-2020, 02:05 PM



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