02-14-2020, 03:35 AM
You have created such a pleasing experience. I prefer the feminine pronoun for the morning in the 3rd line. Personification is widely used, but with good reason and you do not abuse it here. "Creamy" and "lavender" go great together so if there is an intentional purpose for using "creamy" that I am unaware of please feel free to keep it. But, "dreamy" does seem to be a better word choice given the subject matter. Lines 7, 8, and 9 are great. I just wonder about switching the 7th and 8th line. It is stupid but if you switched those lines the syllable count would sequentially increase. It could sonically allude to the increasing awareness as we wake, or even represent the increasing heart rate as we raise from slumber. It probably does not matter, nor is it likely to be noticed, but since syllables play an important part in poetry, even in non-metrical poems, I thought it might be worth mentioning. Besides, personally when I get up I often make noises (and hear the noise that I am being pulled into) even before my movement begins. The title is fantastic. The last line is fantastic. They play very well together, and I enjoy the concept of sleep being lifted away as I wake. I believe the famous painting The Nightmare by Henry Fuseli illustrates the concept of sleep being upon us. Obviously his is in a negative context, and that is why I love the simplistic beauty of your piece. I had never thought of sleep as a weight in a positive connotation before.
Joshua J. Smith