Before Lifting
#3
(02-06-2020, 03:01 PM)magnoliaflower23 Wrote:  The room has brightened just enough 
to feel morning’s presence. 
Her shy, grey light brings edges to the shapes
blanketed by darkness moments before.this setting is described nicely but I think it distracts me from the poemy part.

Soon the day will rise, 
and you will be pushed 
      into movement, 
      into noise,
      into decisions. Maybe these three lines are get too specific, you're thinking about the weight of decisions, and telling me it's decisions, 

But for now, this line can be cut, too story telly
you can drift
under the soft shield of sheets
as their creamy lavender hue comes into focus.

The fragile weight of sleep’s peace has not yet lifted.
I'm struggling with fragile weight lifted.  It's nice to say the whole line together but then I twist thinking, what?  Maybe my problem is directional, rising, then pushing forward, I dunno, hope my thoughts help
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
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Messages In This Thread
Before Lifting - by magnoliaflower23 - 02-06-2020, 03:01 PM
RE: Before Lifting - by mjweise - 02-06-2020, 08:28 PM
RE: Before Lifting - by CRNDLSM - 02-07-2020, 09:59 AM
RE: Before Lifting - by Marissacharles__ - 02-08-2020, 04:24 AM
RE: Before Lifting - by Joshua Smith - 02-14-2020, 03:35 AM
RE: Before Lifting - by magnoliaflower23 - 02-17-2020, 03:12 PM



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