02-07-2020, 09:59 AM
(02-06-2020, 03:01 PM)magnoliaflower23 Wrote: The room has brightened just enoughI'm struggling with fragile weight lifted. It's nice to say the whole line together but then I twist thinking, what? Maybe my problem is directional, rising, then pushing forward, I dunno, hope my thoughts help
to feel morning’s presence.
Her shy, grey light brings edges to the shapes
blanketed by darkness moments before.this setting is described nicely but I think it distracts me from the poemy part.
Soon the day will rise,
and you will be pushed
into movement,
into noise,
into decisions. Maybe these three lines are get too specific, you're thinking about the weight of decisions, and telling me it's decisions,
But for now, this line can be cut, too story telly
you can drift
under the soft shield of sheets
as their creamy lavender hue comes into focus.
The fragile weight of sleep’s peace has not yet lifted.
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches

