01-31-2020, 01:21 AM
I found this very moving, Mark. I agree with the points about syntax, which help your message come through stronger. The style is more talkative/explanatory that I would use myself, though it perhaps speaks to your individual voice. You could make it more abstract if you wished (example below), but not if it detracts from your personal style.
Blueberries brown in the pint container
you left half empty in our fridge
The last handful
I cannot bear to let go
Blueberries brown in the pint container
you left half empty in our fridge
The last handful
I cannot bear to let go