Your Blueberries

[Knot]

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Hi Mark,
enjoyed the read.  The 'simplicity' of the language works well.


Your Blueberries
- Any better title?

Last week when I looked
inside our fridge
I saw that pint container
holding your blueberries.
- I think the syntax is a little confusing, it reads as if what you see (primarily) is the container,
not the contents. Perhaps ...
When I looked inside
our fridge, last week,
I saw your blueberries
in that pint container.

I don't ever eat them
so there was still a handful left.
I should’ve thrown ‘em out
but I just couldn’t.
- not sure you need/want both 'don't' and 'never',
and you've them and 'em. Also, L3, isn't this something
the addressee would know? Again, maybe reorder ...
a handful left, going off
should have thrown them out
but I just couldn't.
don't know why

Yesterday our son came by
and cleaned up the fridge.
Then he and kindly filled it
with food he knows I'll eat.

I open and close it,
and open it again,
but I just don’t see
the only thing I want.
- There's a bit too much 'telling' in this verse
(the ending seems a little heavy handed)
and I think you might combine this and the
previous verse. Something like ...
Yesterday our son came by
cleaned and filled the fridge.
but amongst his kindness
I can't find what I want to eat.



Best, Knot


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