Bounty

[Richard]

Hey Gaygoddess,
I think you have a good idea here with playing with love and card games. However, some of your language could be more concise and maybe focus on the go fish aspect a bit more. I'll go into detail below:

Played with some themes of love and games (card games to be more specific). Looking forward to feedback! Please do not hold back.

Bounty

My eyes are on fire -This line doesn't work for me because fire has nothing to do with the card game imagery used in the rest of the poem. My suggest would be the start with the next line and rewrite as something like: "Eyes glazing over," that way would can keep the nice enjambment you have with the the word "You".
Glazing over
You 
Dealt into the hands
Clear my bonus.
Blinded and I’m falling 
Weightless, suspended 
Hanging, caught 
Hook, line and sinker -While these lines sort of set up the last line of the poem. I think you might want to focus on the card game more so than the fishing aspect. I've never felt weightless playing go fish.


Are you falling too? -Why not "sinking" instead of "falling"? That would help set up the last line more.
I can’t see 
You
Pause-rewind
Are you having fun yet? 
Spades, hearts, diamonds and clubs 
tell me.
Go fish -I like this line as an ending. However, I feel like you need to build to it more. Maybe set it up with a line somewhere else in the poem about asking if someone has a certain card, and then relate the uncertainty of not knowing what cards the other player has to being in love? Just a thought.

I think this is a decent first draft, and I look forward to seeing where you take this from here.

Cheers,
Richard