Bounty

[dukealien]

Bounty

My eyes are on fire
Glazing over
You nice turn here, introducing ambiguity as to how much of the previous two phrases applies to "You."  Both?  All? Neither?
Dealt into the hands
Clear my bonus. This is probably another card-game expression, but I don't recognize it.
Blinded and I’m falling
Weightless, suspended
Hanging, caught  a quibble:  if you're weightless, you can't be hanging
Hook, line and sinker since this is such a familiar expression, think about changing it up:  "line, sinker, and your hook" for example


Are you falling too?
I can’t see
You
Pause-rewind  perhaps some white space around this line to create an actual break/pause?
Are you having fun yet?
Spades, hearts, diamonds and clubs
tell me.  another nice ambiguity - do the cards tell, or is the viewpoint asking the other person to tell?  (And notice how absence of capitalization beginning this line links it more securely to the previous)
Go fish given your system of game terms, this is a nice one on which to end

Cliches (in this case game terms/jargon which have become prevalent enough to seem like cliches) usually require delicate handling - using just one or two, perhaps meditating on their alternative meanings or derivation to reach your point or express your thought.  Or avoiding them entirely in hopes of producing a surprising effect with a novel form of words that expresses the same idea.  What you've done here, by intent, is create a poem composed mostly of such expressions.  It's an interesting way to do things - saying, in effect, "we're playing a game, but which one?"

One thing you might try is reducing capitalization to the minimum required for sentence structure (and, perhaps, punctuation to define that structure).  There is nothing *wrong* with the traditional system of beginning each line with a capital letter, but it can cause some confusion... and is discouraged by many on this board as archaic, though I'm not one of them.

On second reading, I imagine an unspoken subtext around these lines - the card player's thoughts and imaginings as he voices only permitted table talk.  You might try actually inserting those thoughts between the present lines, perhaps setting them off in italics or with indentation.

A poem made of cliches is an original idea.  In your next effort, you might try building your meaning without even a single cliche or commonly used expression.  This may be challenging, but to many people (and their readers) that's what poetry is about.  Don't go random, just eschew the easy way at each turning and see where you end up.