First submission here

[audrey]

Hi I'm a newbie here too, welcome..Still getting used to the site. This piece has some unique and beautiful phrases.
I really like the way you use the elements of the earth to describe your love, works perfectly and paints a picture for the reader.
The only suggestions I can offer is to weed out the extra words, which at times ubscure the thought you are trying to portray, I find too many words cloud the picture

                                                 extraneous words i put in bold letters

I love your body the way I love wheat fields through the seasons..............gorgeous first line

The landscape of my commute

Bringing both delight and glad wonder that there should still be delight......maybe ....Joyfulness or joy

When the repeating unique angles of the sun, through hours, through months,through matter

to let me not forget how much there is to love.



Smooth and rough growths play their different games together in the same light,......clarify this  statement

Being the ebb and flow of each other, 

companions in refraction. ...................................................................lovely phrases         

My eyes cannot hold it all.



Is the overflowing of my senses creating the current,

The draw that will not let me go?..............................that pulls and will not let me go?

The impossibility of perfect knowledge the vacuum that sucks me in?





II

The hidden daily lives and deaths in air, in grass, in soil,  ................without the 2 In words it sounds stronger

The streams that pulse and will not pause,

   (So I must think of when I’m not thinking of them) ..............................not clear 

What can they teach me of the struggles of  the cells  your body and soul?..........Not getting what the struggles of the cells in his body has to do with faith.....I may  just be dense


Is this then faith?                                                       





III

I know that the love of sere grass, of smoothing snow, of emerald waves

Each exist of themselves.

i know to that they help create each to each other,

The now/old love pouring into the next/now love.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the old love pouring into the new love

The earth goes round and round.............., cliche maybe use Whirls

And you and I have a destination,

And what does this change?

Changes that do not repeat are felt more the miraculous. ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, sorry, don't get this last line.. For me life itself

                                                                                        is constantly changing and full of the miraculous
                                                                                                       maybe clarify