01-17-2020, 08:18 AM
(12-07-2019, 01:09 AM)bbcashdollar Wrote: Our Rites
I love this, will play a bit
light clinging to snowflakes
snow sticking to everything .......................... Omit second line
a picturesque squall
and the road was ours
swerving across medians
spinning through intersections
a high school thrill ride
me, Marty, Red
the exuberant terror
young men crave
our battle
our turf
four tires skating ..................... Tires skating under street lights
under street lights hurtling towards snow banks
three boys hurtling
at snow banks
in the back .................. from the back
Marty squealed Marty yelled out
"You're so cool!"
as instinctively omit as..... Instinctively I palmed the wheel.....
I palmed the wheel
focused on the physics
of steel flying towards snow I enjoyed this, felt the speed as well as the excitement.
Love the way the last line sums it up
-------------
Cool
a January squall
light clinging to snowflakes
snow sticking to everything
we had the road to ourselves
swerving across medians
spinning through intersections
a high school thrill ride
me, Marty, Red
the exuberant terror
young men crave
our battle
our turf
4 tires skating
under street lights
3 boys hurtling
towards snow banks
from the back seat
"You're so cool!,"
Marty squealed
as unconsciously
I palmed the wheel
oblivious to everything
but the Physics
of steel towards snow
—————————
Cool
light clinging to snowflakes
snow clinging to everything
we had the road to ourselves
swerving across medians
spinning through intersections
a high school thrill ride
me, Marty, Red
the exuberant terror
young men crave
our battle
our turf
4 tires skating
under street lights
3 boys hurtling
towards snow banks
this is no cautionary tale
"You're so cool!,"
Marty squealed
as unconsciously
I palmed the wheel
oblivious to everything
but the geometry
of steel towards snow