12-31-2019, 07:13 AM
“Step up” says the nurse
With the round stomach and cheeks
The metal weights slide behind me
I count the clicks as they go.
1, 2, 3, sigh
“Well we’ll tell the doctor”, disappointment
Thin paper gowns cover hip bones
That rise like mountains
A valley between them, ribs rise
Like waves out of the ocean
Calm but ready for the approaching storm
The air feels like ice on my bare arms.
I’m cold, I’m always cold.
At home I curl up inside a nest of blankets
And heating pads for warmth
Like a baby bird clings to the underside of its mother
Layers of clothing hide me from the world
From being hurt
Dinner is a war fought by a family
Mother against daughter.
A struggle for power.
Each spoonful feels like defeat
But they call it victory
“Finish it all”
Pound by pound I work
At night I lay and feel my bones
As they disappear.
Have I given up or have I gotten stronger?
Why does recovery feel like losing?
With the round stomach and cheeks
The metal weights slide behind me
I count the clicks as they go.
1, 2, 3, sigh
“Well we’ll tell the doctor”, disappointment
Thin paper gowns cover hip bones
That rise like mountains
A valley between them, ribs rise
Like waves out of the ocean
Calm but ready for the approaching storm
The air feels like ice on my bare arms.
I’m cold, I’m always cold.
At home I curl up inside a nest of blankets
And heating pads for warmth
Like a baby bird clings to the underside of its mother
Layers of clothing hide me from the world
From being hurt
Dinner is a war fought by a family
Mother against daughter.
A struggle for power.
Each spoonful feels like defeat
But they call it victory
“Finish it all”
Pound by pound I work
At night I lay and feel my bones
As they disappear.
Have I given up or have I gotten stronger?
Why does recovery feel like losing?