11-10-2019, 01:38 AM
Just a slight grammatical change (unless I am reading this wrong) "When ex squaddies sleep on concrete.
Where does the money go? "
(remove period and replace with coma, lower case Where and make into one sentence. eg:
When ex squaddies sleep on concrete, where does the money go?
Maybe this would flow better?
Also,
"Someone’s making a killing here?
Where does that money go?"
The first sentence reads like a statement and not a question. Would this sound better without the question mark? eg:
Someone’s making a killing here.
Where does that money go?
*sorry if this is misplaced. this is my first critique!!
Also, thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed it!
Where does the money go? "
(remove period and replace with coma, lower case Where and make into one sentence. eg:
When ex squaddies sleep on concrete, where does the money go?
Maybe this would flow better?
Also,
"Someone’s making a killing here?
Where does that money go?"
The first sentence reads like a statement and not a question. Would this sound better without the question mark? eg:
Someone’s making a killing here.
Where does that money go?
*sorry if this is misplaced. this is my first critique!!
Also, thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed it!