Moon

[rowens]

I mean rhymes sound silly to some people when they come off as simplistic. But silly and simplistic aren't only negative adjectives. I guess the point is the lack of originality and simplistic use of rhyme will leave some people uninterested despite the finer aspects of the poem. If it were a book, and the poems got progressively more complex and original, these two poems would be good starting points to the themes you're expressing. So it's the originality and the complexity that would make these poems stand out. I guess it's a difference of being passing decent and being very good.

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I don't have any advice. Only general criticism of the poem as it is.