Lil Bit edit TITLE CHANGE “Side Piece”
#4
So, I liked this pretty well. Particularly rhyme scheme. The metaphor is consistent throughout and intelligible. However, I think this would work better if you dropped the first and last lines. The three middle stanzas describe clearly enough that you’re comparing a person to candy. I don’t think that stating the specific type adds anything to the poem.
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Messages In This Thread
RE: Lil Bit - by UselessBlueprint - 10-13-2019, 10:23 AM
RE: Lil Bit - by MrPlus - 10-13-2019, 08:25 PM
RE: Lil Bit - by Pinprick - 10-14-2019, 04:42 AM



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