The Real Thing

[Knot]

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Hi Fuzz,
lots to like here, though the change of tone in the ending seems to undercut the whole piece.
To avoid covering the same ground as duke, I'll suggest cutting the second and final stanzas
and switch stanzas four and five, ending on the 'cross' might be stronger.

It would leave you with something like ...

A dress can move a man,
but funny; how it is an empty thing,
four holes - cutout crucifix - an empty textile
with sordid promises sewn in the definition.

Truth seldom comes to the surfaces
on its own, rather, buoyed by life preserver;
a four-holed wrapping in and of itself.
That’s the dress! A life preserver.
It’s wearer most certainly is saved
for that is the nature of the thing,
when worn with intention and driven purpose
the effect is further reaching.

It becomes sexy, the dress, then it is real
When it is worn it becomes a spirit.
A dream a lifeblood a carnival a god-queen
with world-saving powers, selfless purpose

The dress does not have engine
it will float on its own
into gorgeous sunset horizon.
The dress changes when worn,
function to fit form,
comes with a cross to bear


I like 'empty textile' but you've got 'empty thing', and I think that works harder.
Is there a better word than 'engine' (seems a bit out of place). motive force/impetus/impulse
You've got two versions of 'the dress changing when worn'


Best, Knot.


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