10-09-2019, 02:06 AM
This is the same first rewrite that can be found about six or seven responses down. I'm Taking Todd's housekeeping advise and, as well, trying to find my way around the forums and all. So hopefully, this will look like I know what I'm doing (yeah right.) and not crash anything. And, without farther ado, the second posting of a first rewrite:
Finding Solace in a Wood (rewrite 1)
Ambling a forest path, soft earth
beneath his feet. Winding past
ancient trees. Tawny buck, branching antlers,
crossing the trail. Frozen
for a moment, then gone.
Picking a berry, spot of blood—Prickly vine,
but sweet,
purple black and juicy.
Beyond some pines he spies a lake,
crystal blue, and longing for its cleansing chill, he—
He stumbles.
Shackles fling him to the ground.
Imprisoned.
Here the master dictates.
Reality is found at the end of a whip.
Loads
and heavy labor are now his lot.
Captive.
Worn to devastation.
Living a life behind his eyes.
The forest, an assuaging lie.
In twilight he dines meager dole—
beans and rice.
Over tinkling chain on chains
and the muted groans of tired men,
under the first stars of the coming night,
a hoot owl calls.
…and longing for its cleansing chill, he—leaps,
gasping at the shock of cool, clear water.
He swims with strength unknown in years.
Plunging deep into the lake,
water embraces,
and he accepts its grasp
as freedom.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Finding Solace in a Wood
Slowly ambled a forest path,
soft earth beneath his feet,
winding past ancient trees.
Grand buck across the trail.
Splendid antlers, frozen
in a moment, then gone.
He picks a berry. Prickly vine,
a bramble true, but delicious fruit,
purple black and juicy.
From a rugged crest he spies a lake.
And, longing to feel the water’s chill, he—
He stumbles, shackles fling him to the ground.
Here, only his prison cell exist.
The forest, a lie. Captive. Worn to devastation.
living life behind his eyes.
Oppressive walls bear hard.
Chains bind. Shuffled off to receive his dole,
finally, he sinks into that lake as last he dines.
Finding Solace in a Wood (rewrite 1)
Ambling a forest path, soft earth
beneath his feet. Winding past
ancient trees. Tawny buck, branching antlers,
crossing the trail. Frozen
for a moment, then gone.
Picking a berry, spot of blood—Prickly vine,
but sweet,
purple black and juicy.
Beyond some pines he spies a lake,
crystal blue, and longing for its cleansing chill, he—
He stumbles.
Shackles fling him to the ground.
Imprisoned.
Here the master dictates.
Reality is found at the end of a whip.
Loads
and heavy labor are now his lot.
Captive.
Worn to devastation.
Living a life behind his eyes.
The forest, an assuaging lie.
In twilight he dines meager dole—
beans and rice.
Over tinkling chain on chains
and the muted groans of tired men,
under the first stars of the coming night,
a hoot owl calls.
…and longing for its cleansing chill, he—leaps,
gasping at the shock of cool, clear water.
He swims with strength unknown in years.
Plunging deep into the lake,
water embraces,
and he accepts its grasp
as freedom.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Finding Solace in a Wood
Slowly ambled a forest path,
soft earth beneath his feet,
winding past ancient trees.
Grand buck across the trail.
Splendid antlers, frozen
in a moment, then gone.
He picks a berry. Prickly vine,
a bramble true, but delicious fruit,
purple black and juicy.
From a rugged crest he spies a lake.
And, longing to feel the water’s chill, he—
He stumbles, shackles fling him to the ground.
Here, only his prison cell exist.
The forest, a lie. Captive. Worn to devastation.
living life behind his eyes.
Oppressive walls bear hard.
Chains bind. Shuffled off to receive his dole,
finally, he sinks into that lake as last he dines.
Life is far to important to take seriously. 